I agree with some of the stuff you're saying, but maybe not all of it.
The guys I ship together look nothing like girls. They don't have specifically girly characteristics (as a whole). They're just guys, who happen to make an outstanding couple.
Okay, I can see where you're coming from, but I kind of get the vibe that you're generalizing. Yes, I like yaoi--not all of the pairings I like are yaoi. I like het. I like yuri. Some pairings just float my boat more than others. (I'm only telling you this because all of the 'yaoi fangirls' I know are the exact same way.)
Yeah, there are nutjobs, but you get that in anything. Political issues, sexual issues, religious issues... and unfortunately for us, the people who really need to see this are the ones that are going to comment with "OMG FAGGOT" (if they comment at all) and not take in a single word of what you're saying. It's sad, but true.
Also, where are these academic papers you speak of? I'd love to read them.